just do it

Wonder how long it would take anyone to realise
Im just so depressed
Its one thing to be lonely
and its one thing to have no friends
and no money
and lots of debt
and no work
and failing school
to feel unattractive
to feel empty
to be unsuccesful
to be a fuck up and a failure
but to know that no one wants you around
to know that your exsistence upsets and stresses everyone around you
that being alive you cause more problems for those you care about then if you were dead
why am i here
i wish i was dead
i dont see any better choice then that
death
a completely utilitarian point of veiw
it would cause the greatest good most happiness for the largest amount of people over all then anything else
so really its only selfish of me to be alive
to exsist
I shouldnt exsist
my horoscope said this morning that i would have a hard time getting any sincere condolesnces tonight and i didnt even acknowledge that part of the silly thing
and now when I probably neede it more then I ever have my entire life I dont have sympathy or support its funny how you can over look some things sometimes
i need to do whats best for everyone
sure someway someone I know will figure out that i had this account
and theyll see that I wrote stuff on here
and you must have really liked me because you would still think of me that far away
and most my friends would never know
they would just htink i disappeared
im sorry for my mom cause shed be the one to find out but its really for her she wowuldnt understand right away but shell be better in the long run
only good can come of it
no more fights or arguements
no more stressing about his wereabouts
no more disappointment or bad influence
no more annoying post or bothersome need for attention and affection
i cant see anything bad about it
selfish would be doing it for me
but im doing it for everyone i know would havek nown and everyone that cared about
dammit..
I owe tyler and my mom money
i actually feel really bad if i dont at least pay tyler back…
i could do that tomorrow
grandma sending me 500 and my check is 200 bucks tomorrow
i can pay him back
my mom needs the money back too
ugh
shecould sell the car and get that back

lets see how the holidays go mike

maybe just wait till christmas maybe youll be good for people then

AHHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAH!
FUCK YOU!!
FUKC FUCK YOU FUCKYOU
omfg fuck you
fuck you
god fucking dammit fuck you
I hate you
fuck you
fuck you so much your a bitch
stupid slut i fucking hate you
oh my fucking god way to make me the fucking fool
fucking fuck i fucking hate stupid little sluts
stupid stupid stupid
fuck it
im the stupid one in the end right?

1:04pm and my day feels like its already over, drabtastic, to many wasted words and expelled nuerons on somethings that just really, as some might say, weren’t worth it in the end. So its off to downtown done stealing this net hang outside of work using the buildings to finish up homework before school…

When the buildings all around us crumble to the ground, Ill be here
When the people all around us vanish and disappear, Ill still be here
When the sun dies out and darkness falls all around, Ill still be here
When the grass and trees die and our world is covered in cold, Ill still be here
When the air around us is run dry of oxygen, Ill still be right here
So when you have no home, no shelter
So when you have no one to turn to, No one to listen
So when you your scared, lost, or confused
So when your cold, hurt, and shaking
So when your dieing, losing hope, and need support
Ill be right here where you left me